Silly Old Twit

       If your in the business of making sausages (or anything practical like that) then here is a great opportunity for you. For a modest fee The Academy will turn you into a journalist. Apart from the increase in salary that this will afford you there are other benefits which you may not be aware of.
     For instance , as a journalist you may claim to be a champion of truth . You don’t have to be a good journalist to make this claim nor do you have to have even the vaguest interest in truth. You can also create the illusion that you are intelligent and most people will accept it as fact regardless of how stupid you might be. You can , in short , pass yourself off as a cultured chap with all that that implies. You can even sell your soul and still be applauded for it. Now if you decide not to be a journalist but to remain at the sausage factory then its a different matter altogether. In the latter case you may find yourself being labeled a ‘racist’ or ‘homophobic’ without you even having expressed an opinion on these matters.
 Of course you don’t have to take up journalism. You could just as well take a crash course in poetry or film making. Any of these options will transform your situation…
           You could of course bypass The Academy , keep the money in your pocket and just learn the ‘lingo’. You could practice in front of the mirror. Just stand in front of a mirror and keep repeating the stock phrases such as ‘multiculturism’ or ‘the right to choose’ or anything else that comes into your head. You don’t have to actually understand anything about these things as no one will notice or even care. But it’s important that you look yourself in the eye without blinking or fidgeting or anything like that. Hence the need to practice in front of the mirror.
         Now if your one of those people who find themselves becoming sexually aroused in the company of young people then I definitely recommend becoming a poet……as a sausage maker you’ll only get your head kicked in but if you can string a few words together your on the horses back…
         You might even decide to take up the blogging. But you won’t win any points in the Irish Blog Awards as a sausage maker. There are , by the way , no Irish sausage blogs….this in spite of the fact that there is something very appealing about a sausage. A sausage is a sausage. There is something very honest about it. It is , what it says on the label. You can rely on a sausage…And a man who makes sausages is a man deserving of honour.